Thursday, July 22, 2010

Self Examination

When trying to nail down my most favorite Michael Jackson song, I settled for "Man in the Mirror".

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right

Self examination can be a hard thing to do. But it is something that one must do for themselves. There is no person that can do it for you. In my case, if someone tried to "help me" see my flaws, I would more than likely cut off communication with them. And I would justify it by telling myself how they need to take the plank out of their own eye before trying to tell me that I have some sawdust in mine.

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs

I submerged myself into my occupation with counseling, consoling, and guiding kids in the Philadelphia School District. I believe this really is my calling, but even with all the good I do there, I was still hurting those close to me by not even taking into consideration how they felt or what they thought or their opinions. (Everybody except my youngest daughter Kourtney. She was the only one whose thoughts and opinions mattered to me.) Poor Chloe was trying to tell me this all along, but we would just end up getting into horrible arguments.

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself
And Make A Change

Somebody finally got through. It was my oldest daughter, Portia who finally made that breakthrough and I realize how I have been totally oblivious to the feelings, thoughts and opinions of other people. I alos see how that has effected and hurt them. I mean, I really was like a "it's my way or t he highway" type chick, and meant it and didn't care either. Now, to you, this may not amount to a hill of beans. But for me...this is a major breakthrough.

I may not be what I outta be, but I'm on my way to what I'm gonna be and thank God I'm not what I used to be.

Yours truly,

A Work In Progress

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